


Take What You Need

by Perpetual Motion (perpetfic)



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Blow Jobs, Breathplay, Deepthroating, Dom/sub, Face-Fucking, Facials, Hand Jobs, M/M, anyway have some filth, good news there's a guy for that, nick amaro needs someone to boss his dumb ass around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 01:23:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18272939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perpetfic/pseuds/Perpetual%20Motion
Summary: Nick swears under his breath and drops his head. "I know I've been an asshole all night," he mutters.Rafael wants to stand up and pull Nick close. Kiss him and tell him it's okay. He holds back, watches Nick until Nick meets his eyes again. "You can still have it," he says. "As long as you follow the rule."





	Take What You Need

Nick comes home and slams the door. Then the cupboards. Then the fridge. Then the oven. Rafael watches him, reading the way his mouth is set, and he knows tonight's going to be a struggle. Not for him. For Nick. 

When they sit down after dinner, Rafael gives Nick the remote, then pulls him in close. He gets Nick's head settled on his shoulder and tangles a hand in his hair to keep him there.

"I don't need you to do this."

"Yes, you do," Rafael replies, pressing the words into Nick's temple. "It's okay to need it."

Nick rolls his eyes but doesn't move away. They've been working on this for awhile--Nick learning how to ask for comfort that Rafael is willing to give--and it's gotten better, but better doesn't mean perfect. Better means that now when Rafael hauls Nick to him, Nick doesn't squawk or flail. Nick accepts--if grudgingly--that he needs support and takes it. Nick knows all he has to do is say the word ( _red_ ), and Rafael will give him space.

Rafael runs his fingers through Nick's hair and nuzzles against him as they watch the news. Nick doesn't relax. Rafael breathes in the smell of Nick's shampoo and wonders what Nick will do next.

It happens in the bathroom, as they're brushing their teeth. Nick shoulders Rafael out of the way and takes over the entire span of the sink. Rafael catches his eyes in the mirror. Nick juts his chin and stays where he is. When Rafael taps at his hip to get him to move, Nick ignores him. 

Rafael waits him out, leaning against the wall and looking bored when Nick catches his eyes in the mirror again. Nick spits out his toothpaste and rinses his mouth, but he stays bent over the sink, a hand on other side of the washstand. He breathes in hard and fast, fingers opening and closing, and he finally pushes himself up and steps away so Rafael can rinse his own mouth. 

Rafael takes his time, keeping an eye on Nick by glancing at the mirror and reading the way he's still strung tight. Rafael knows what he needs, and he know Nick knows what he needs. But Nick has to ask. That's the rule. 

Nick stands in the bathroom doorway, legs wide, arms on the jamb. He's only in his boxer briefs, and if he hadn't been an insolent prick all night, Rafael would gladly drop to his knees and suck him then and there. 

But he _has_ been an insolent prick all night, so Rafael straightens and looks him over slowly before taking two steps back and sitting on the toilet lid. He eases his legs open as wide as they'll go in the small space and cups his dick through his shorts when he meets Nick's eyes. 

Nick stares at him, hands splaying on the jamb, hips canting forward the tiniest bit. He bites his lip hard.

"You can have it," Rafael says quietly. 

Nick clenches his hands hard and goes up on his toes. If he walks over and drops down and sucks Rafael off, that's fine. But they both know that's not what he wants. Not what he needs. Not tonight at least. 

" _Cariño_ ," Rafael says, a thread of authority in his voice, "you know the rule."

Nick swears under his breath and drops his head. "I know I've been an asshole all night," he mutters.

Rafael wants to stand up and pull Nick close. Kiss him and tell him it's okay. He holds back, watches Nick until Nick meets his eyes again. "You can still have it," he says. "As long as you follow the rule."

Nick takes in a shuddering, deep breath, and it quivers through his whole body. Rafael watches the tension leech out of him. He's getting there. 

Nick closes his eyes and stretches his neck. Some nights, it's easy to ask for what he needs. He'll walk in the door, curl himself warm and sweet around Rafael, and he'll ask with no shame or hesitation. Nights like tonight, he fights himself. Whatever's caused his mood, it's made him question himself. Made him convince himself that he doesn't deserve sympathy or compassion or affection. Rafael keeps his gaze steady as Nick rocks back and forth in the doorway.

They'll talk about it later. After. The important thing now is to be in the moment, refuse to let Nick hide from himself but also refuse to let Nick get away with beating himself up. "You can have it," Rafael says again because he knows that's what Nick needs: reassurance that he's worth loving, even if he has moods like this. 

Nick breathes in hard again and holds it for a four-count. Rafael smiles. "Good," he says as Nick exhales slowly--just like they've practiced--and drops his arms from the doorjamb. 

He's so close, Rafael thinks. So very close. 

Nick breathes-holds-exhales again. Then a third time. He lowers himself from his toes to the soles of his feet at exhale number five. He grips the top of the door jamb and stretches his arms as he breathes-holds-exhales breath number eight. Rafael waits, doing his best to radiate patience and acceptance and pride.

After exhale number ten. Nick leans down and touches the floor for a ten-count. Then he slowly stands back up--just like they've practiced--and when he's upright again, his posture is relaxed and his shoulders are loose. 

"Hi," Rafael says when Nick meets his eyes. 

"Hi," Nick replies, so quiet it barely carries. He takes the three steps to Rafael and puts his hands behind his back. He drops his head slowly, the pleasure he finds in the act making him shiver. 

Rafael lets him stand in silence for a few moments, watching the last of the stress and tension and anger slip away. "Very good, _cariño_."

"Thank you, _jefe_."

Rafael smiles. They're both here now. In this space they've shaped together. Nick turning power over to Rafael because he trusts Rafael to give him what he needs and never make him feel ashamed for it. He trusts Rafael to care for him, to let him be open and vulnerable and to give back love and support in return. "Look at me, _cariño_." 

Nick meets his gaze, not with the sharp stare of earlier, but with the half-lidded eyes that tell Rafael he's well and truly in his subspace. 

"You didn't do anything that deserves punishment. You tried to earn it by slamming the cabinets and pushing me away from the sink, but that behavior isn't truly harmful to you. You've worked hard to make better choices for yourself since you allowed me to be your _jefe_ , and I'm proud of you."

"Thank you, _jefe_."

Rafael licks the corner of his mouth and watches Nick follow the movement. "However," and the way Nick bites slowly at his lip tells Rafael he's on the right track, "if you would _like_ something to feel like a punishment, I'm willing to listen."

Nick nods slowly. "Yes, please." 

"What do you want, _cariño_?"

"I want to get on my knees without anything to make the tile softer," Nick says immediately. 

"Why?" Rafael asks though he already knows the answer. 

"So I can feel it tomorrow," Nick says. "So I can have a reminder that I'm good, _jefe_."

"You had a hard day today, didn't you?"

"Yes, _jefe_."

"But you still let me pull you close and offer comfort while we watched the news."

"I'm sorry I didn't relax, _jefe_."

"Did you want me to stop? Did you force yourself to stay next to me?"

"No, _jefe_."

"You promise?"

"Yes, _jefe_."

Rafael smiles and watches the way Nick's eyes go soft and pleased at the sight. "Then you did very well. You let yourself accept comfort, and you didn't push beyond your limits. That's very good."

"Thank you, _jefe_."

"What do you want tonight, _cariño_?"

Nick breathes in and out slowly. Rafael waits for him. Getting Nick to say out loud exactly what he wants has been their biggest challenge. He'd rather move into action or tell Rafael through touch. But Rafael doesn't let him do that, not when they're here like this. His _cariño_ has to say precisely what he wants in order to get it. There is no guesswork allowed. 

I want you to press my face against your dick and make it hard for me to breathe," Nick says, "and then, I want you to fuck down my throat and face fuck me and pull my hair and grab my throat and come on my face when you're done."

It's Rafael's turn to breathe slowly. Not from embarrassment or fear but because every single image Nick is putting into his head is making him harder. "Do you want to come?" 

"If you'll let me, _jefe_."

"Take off your underwear."

Nick strips off without hesitation. Once he's kicked it out of his way, he resumes his previous posture. Hands behind his back, head bowed. 

Rafael leans down and removes the mat that fits around the toilet. He and Nick had mocked themselves when they'd placed the mat and the matching toilet lid cover. "Our mothers will be so proud," Nick had deadpanned, and Rafael had laughed in agreement. The two of them, building their own lives, and here they were, lying down this scrap of carpet so their mothers would cluck their tongues less when they came to see the apartment and invariably found it wanting as only a mother could.

But here and now, removing that mat makes Nick look excited and makes Rafael feel like he put it down as a challenge, not an expectation. Nick doesn't want any cushioning for his knees? Rafael can take it away because it means nothing in the first place. 

"Get comfortable," Rafael says.

Nick leans at the waist and grips Rafael's thighs just above the knees. He sinks down slowly. Rafael runs his fingers through Nick's hair as Nick gets settled. "You want my cock shoved down your throat?"

"Yes, _jefe_."

"You want to choke on it?"

"Yes, _jefe_."

"What will you do if you decide you don't want my cock down your throat anymore?"

Nick pinches hard at Rafael's thigh. 

"Very good, _cariño_ ," Rafael says as he gets a handful of Nick's hair. "Are you ready?"

"Just a minute," Nick says. 

Rafael doesn't let go, and he doesn't push as Nick leans forward and nuzzles against his stomach, then dips down to nuzzle the waistband of Rafael's boxer briefs before traveling down and nosing lightly against his dick and balls. 

"Okay," Nick says as he pulls away having done nothing but make Rafael more excited. 

Oh, but his _cariño_ is so very good. Rafael shifts so his hips are closer to the edge of the toilet lid. He adjusts his feet so they point outwards. He makes as much space for Nick as he possibly can. "Touch yourself as much as you want, but don't come until I say so," Rafael tells Nick, and then he pushes Nick's face against his crotch. 

Nick breathes in hard, his left hand gripping tight around Rafael's calf. His right hand grabs his own dick, but he doesn't try to jerk off. He breathes in hard and deep and exhales open-mouthed against Rafael's balls.

"Good," Rafael grates as he tightens his grip on Nick's hair and moves his head where he wants it. Nick breathes in hard and exhales just as hard against the head of Rafael's dick through his underwear. "Show me you love it."

Nick opens his mouth and sucks the shaft of Rafael's dick through his underwear. He strokes himself slowly, his attention clearly on making Rafael feel good first. 

Rafael lets him work until his underwear is soaked from Nick's spit. "Get in there," he says, and he chuckles quietly when Nick grabs the waistband of his underwear with his teeth. "You can use your hands."

Nick opens his eyes and meets Rafael's gaze. His look is fully stubborn as he grips Rafael's waistband tighter and slowly--so fucking slowly--pulls Rafael's underwear down using only his mouth. 

"You're so fucking clever," Rafael breathes out as he lifts his hips just enough to make sure his underwear stays under his balls. 

Nick doesn't reply. He buries his face deep against Rafael's groin, nose resting between the base of his dick and the hang of his balls. When he licks at Rafael's balls, Rafael has to clench his free hand so he doesn't rut against his face. 

"Tell me you want it," Rafael says. 

"Fuck my face, Rafael," Nick replies, tipping his head back against Rafael's hand. He drops his jaw and slides his tongue out of his mouth, just touching the very tip of Rafael's dick. 

Rafael grabs the base of his own dick and tilts it to slide perfectly into Nick's mouth. Nick sucks, groaning loudly. "So good for me, Nick," Rafael moans as he slides his other hand along Nick's neck and jaw until it's also in his hair. "You want this dick down your throat?"

Nick groans again, his left hand tightening to pain on Rafael's calf. 

"Don't come until I say so," Rafael reminds him, then holds Nick exactly where he wants him as he slowly and deeply fucks his throat.

Nick goes limp on the third thrust. The hand on Rafael's calf opening and relaxing as Rafael carefully slides in on his fourth thrust. 

"That's it," Rafael says as Nick licks the underside of his cock. "You love this. As much cock as you can possibly fit."

Nick's response is to lean forward when Rafael pulls him onto his dick. He breathes in slow and careful through his nose as Rafael slides his dick down his throat. Rafael massages Nick's jaw just belows his ears to show his pleasure as Nick takes him again and again and again. 

Rafael grips Nick's hair hard and uses that grip to pull Nick off his dick. "Shh," Rafael murmurs when Nick whines. He tilts Nick's head back so Nick has to feel Rafael's hard dick sliding along his face. "This is what you do to me, _cariño_."

Nick groans when he hears that. He makes his mouth pliant so any drag of Rafael's dick is a drag against his lips.

"You suck my dick if you want to," Rafael tells Nick, but Nick doesn't adjust his position. His lips drag up and down Rafael's dick as Rafael chooses. Nick's place as the worshipper of Rafael's hard dick is clear in the way he only shifts as Rafael moves him. 

"Fuck," Rafael breathes out. He holds himself still, his dick pressed against Nick's mouth. Nick kisses slow and sweet halfway down the vein. "Suck my balls," Rafael says. 

Nick takes his time getting there. He doesn't suck at the underside of Rafael's dick, but he lets his tongue lead the way. He hums happily when he reaches the end of the fat vein and hits the crease of Rafael's balls.

Rafael gasps when Nick licks each ball before carefully taking each into his mouth. "So good," Rafael murmurs. He cradles Nick's head as Nick shifts back and forth between each ball. "Take my dick down your throat again," Rafael says after a few minutes.

Nick licks fast and hard up Rafael's dick and does as ordered, sucking his way down Rafael's shaft until he's nearly gagging. Rafael slides his right hand from Nick's hair down to his throat. He rests his palm right there, fingers loose, but Nick leans in, silently asking as Rafael pulls his hair to make him pull off a little and get the chance to get some air. 

"That's it," Rafael murmurs, working his hips forward as he presses Nick down hard. "You need this, don't you?" Nick moans in agreement and drool and precum dribble down his chin. "You're fucking filthy for it." Rafael curls his fingers around Nick's throat. "I'm gonna jam my dick down your throat and squeeze your neck, and you're going to love it."

Nick moans again, louder this time. He opens his eyes and stares at Rafael, begging silently for what Rafael's just promised.

"Don't come," Rafael reminds him. He pulls Nick up by his hair until Nick's only got the head of Rafael's dick in his mouth. "Breathe." Nick breathes in hard through his nose, and Rafael nods his approval. He meets Nick's eyes as he begins to push Nick back down and slowly tighten his hand.

Nick shivers the entire time Rafael pushes him down. It's a fine tremor running through his whole body. The first time it had happened, Rafael had stopped everything thinking he was pushing Nick too far, but he knows now that it's simply how Nick reacts to enjoying the helplessness Rafael creates for him. He loves to watch it happen, to know how much Nick trusts him as he cuts off his air with his dick and with his hand. 

"You're beautiful like this," Rafael says as Nick leans into his tightening hand. "Every time you let me do this to you, I'm sure it's a dream, but it's not. You really let me have you like this."

Nick moans and dribbles more spit and precum out of his mouth. It slides down Rafael's balls as Rafael presses Nick's nose against his pelvis. Rafael can feel Nick breathe like this, judge from how the air is moving in and out of his nose just how close Nick is to needing oxygen. He opens his hand as Nick's breath stutters, but he doesn't take his dick from Nick's throat. When Nick's breathing more evenly again, Rafael tightens his hand hard and fast. Nick's throat convulses, and he scrapes his nails down Rafael's calf. Rafael thrusts hard a handful of times and pulls Nick up roughly. He keeps his hand tight around Nick's neck to hold him in place as he uses his other hand to jerk off until he's coming all over Nick's face.

Nick shudders through Rafael's climax, eyes closed, mouth open and debauched. He's holding his own dick at the base, clearly fighting off the urge to come. "Good, _cariño_ ," Rafael praises, panting from his orgasm. "So good." He loosens his hand again, a little at a time so Nick can get more air but not so quickly he'll hurt himself. "Do you want to come with my jizz all over your face?"

Nick nods drunkenly. 

Rafael smiles and pulls at Nick's arms. "Sit in my lap."

Nick straddles him, eyes barely open, hand still tight at the base of his dick.

"Let go," Rafael says, brushing his fingers over Nick's hand. "Put your arms around my neck." Nick follows the order, leaning forward and pressing his forehead to Rafael's shoulder. Rafael can feel a drying stripe of come being worked into his skin as Nick rolls his head back and forth. "I'm going to go fast for you, _cariño_. Want you to come hard for me."

Nick taps twice at Rafael's shoulder blades, the signal that he's heard and agrees.

Rafael does as promised: grasping Nick's dick in a tight grip and jerking him off as rough as he knows Nick can take it. Nick moans brokenly and pushes into Rafael's hand as he digs his fingers into Rafael's back. "Make a mess for me, _cariño_ ," Rafael murmurs in Nick's ear. "I want you covered in your own spunk to match what I did to your face."

Nick's shiver intensifies as he gets closer to his orgasm. Rafael keeps a hard grip on the back of Nick's neck as he works him over. "You're so close, _cariño_. Let it go. Make a mess for me."

Rafael keeps up the litany until Nick stills completely, howls into Rafael's shoulder, and comes all over his own chest. "Just like I wanted," Rafael says quietly, slowly releasing Nick's dick. He wipes his hand down his own thigh and slides both arms around Nick's waist to hold him as he comes down. Nick slowly breathes in and out, working to regulate his breathing while Rafael rubs slow circles up and down his back.

Nick hums a few minutes later, then says in a raspy voice, "My face itches."

Rafael chuckles against Nick's neck and lets go with one arm to reach over and turn on the water for a shower. "I'll clean you up," Rafael promises.

"Okay." Nick stays pliant against Rafael, only turning his head to nose against Rafael's cheek. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Shitty day," Nick whispers. He clears his throat and winces a little. Rafael makes a mental note to make some hot tea with honey when they get out of the shower. 

"Anything in particular make it shitty?" Rafael asks.

Nick manages a sloppy shrug. "Not really. Just. A shitty day."

"Okay." Rafael scratches lightly into Nick's hair. It happens like this sometimes. No inciting incident or big problem, just the stress of the job and his expectations of himself pulling Nick into the place where he's angry and trying so hard not to take it out on anyone. "I'm proud of you," Rafael says. "You did so good for me."

Nick nuzzles Rafael's cheek and sighs. "Thank you," he says again. 

"You're welcome," Rafael replies. Nick will thank him a few more times, he always does, and Rafael will repeat the same "you're welcome" as often as he needs to hear it. Nick can't hear how much his giving to Rafael helps Rafael, too. Not when he's post-coital after they've played like this. Rafael will remind him later. In the morning, probably, as they're getting ready for work. He'll hold Nick close and whisper it in his ear, how much Rafael appreciates the strength Nick shows him and gives up to him so that he can take care of himself. 

"Shower," Rafael says quietly, shifting his arms so he can keep his hands at Nick's waist and help him up. "Then I'll rub your knees a little."

"Wanna feel it," Nick mumbles, head tipping back as he stands. 

Rafael stands once he's certain Nick's got his feet under him. "You will, _cariño_. But let me get a little lotion on them at least."

Nick nods drowsily and lets Rafael lead him under the spray.

After the shower, Rafael cocoons Nick on the couch with his favorite blanket and the remote. "Pick whatever you want," he says. He makes the tea with honey, and when he sits down, Nick immediately puts his legs in Rafael's lap so Rafael can rub the lotion into his knees. When he's done, Nick shifts and curls against Rafael, head on his shoulder like before, but warm and soft and giving now. He presses back into the hand Rafael curls through his hair and sips his tea without being told. 

"Thank you," he says when he's halfway done with his tea.

Rafael presses a kiss against his forehead and breathes in the scent of Nick's shampoo. "You're welcome," he replies, and the feeling of Nick breathing in deep and relaxing fully into Rafael's embrace is the best moment of Rafael's night.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Barisi twitter for helping me figure out the details on this thing. Special shoutout for discussions of bathroom rugs and figuring out what Nick would call Rafael because no way would he go with 'master' or 'sir.'
> 
> ( _cariño_ means sweetheart; _jefe_ means boss)
> 
> (I posted originally that _novio_ meant sweetheart and appreciate a reader reaching out and correcting me. _Novio_ is 'boyfriend,' and you can't even trust google translate for single words sometimes.)


End file.
